I didn’t necessarily want to talk about relationships on here for a while. In fact, I had two other posts that I planned on publishing, but the writing gods or God himself impressed it upon me to share this lil word. So the other day, I stumbled upon this pastor and I have been watching his sermons. I watched a relationship series that he was doing… let me tell you, he spoke to ME sis!!!! So I want to give you my take on his talks and how they affected me.
So, one thing that has become unbearingly apparent to me lately is that, I’m single af. (Don’t laugh!) The majority of my friends are basically married or in a never-ending honeymoon stage. They’re always caked up or literally glowing, in large part due to their significant others. Naturally, as a woman, if you are not in something like that, you want to be. It’s appealing, after all, we are made to eventually be with someone. Mind you, i’m not a very relationship(y) person, I usually revel in being by myself, but I caught myself getting sad, not because I was unhappy about my friends, but because I didn’t have that. I kept wondering, where is my prince charming?? It was so bad that I started listing my personal resume to myself, like who wouldn’t want what I have to offer? I’m smart, funny, pretty, unproblematic (for the most part), God- fearing… LOL. Do you see the issue here?
Well, this pastor turned my entire attitude around in one sermon. The message sis? BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING. *gasp* It’s not your turn. Sometimes we can be so caught up in wanting what others have or rushing our blessings and it’s not beneficial. I had to be real with myself and ask some questions. What exactly would I bring to the relationship besides the things on my mental resume? Is my life together right now? Why am I trying to rush this? Once I asked myself these questions, I realized how surface level this desire to be with someone was. Your 20-somethings are meant for you to build yourself and your future. Why focus on someone else, when you can perfect your crafts, start businesses, finish your education and go after your goals? When I came into 2018, I had so many goals, I still do. I plan on accomplishing all of them, while also gaining more self- awareness. How can I possibly enter into a relationship with someone else when I don’t actually feel ready to do that? Of course it is aesthetically pleasing to be with someone. It doesn’t hurt to have a cuddle buddy when it’s cold outside and you don’t want to go out. However, I have a lot of things I need to sort out within myself before intertwining that baggage with someone else.
One point the pastor made that spoke to me was, you have to grind, be about your business, work hard, and you will attract someone on the same mission as you. (I’m summarizing here.) Instead of slowing down for that person, you will continue on that journey and that person will be able to keep up. You will be on the same wavelength. Oftentimes a woman will be steady on her path, and veer off because of a man she meets. Absolutely not. I don’t want to be that woman. I want to be the woman who gets it on her own, and eventually meets someone secure enough in himself to support both my dreams and his.
Another point he made that stuck with me is that, you attract what you are. So, the reason this relationship isn’t working or this man isn’t wifing you, may not be because he doesn’t love or care for you, rather he himself is not THERE. Which can also mean, he’s not the one for you or it’s not the right time. He himself may not have his life together. Why enter into purposeless and blind relationships? That is a waste of time. Our generation loves to do the relationship dance, something that I mentioned in my Situationships post. We don’t know what we want and we don’t know ourselves, so we stay in meaningless relationships because it feels good or it’s comfortable, but what is the point? I don’t want to be in any more meaningless relationships and I want to attract people on the same mission as me. This means being patient, simple as that. I said this the other day, “When you are patient with God and wait your turn, he will bless you with more that you could ever expect.” I have seen God do this within my life in other areas, so i’m going to be patient with him in this area. He hasn’t failed me before and I know he won’t fail me when it comes to meeting my person. So sis, do you. Get to know yourself, accomplish your goals, and don’t jump at the first man that pursues you. When you are secure in who you are, you can be picky. You can tell someone no, simply because they don’t fit a standard that you require. (Another word from Pastor Mike). I caught myself slightly giving airtime to individuals who don’t meet my standards, simply because I felt lonely. Don’t be like me. Don’t fall into that trap because you may end up falling into a relationship with someone who you are not equally yoked with. That’s a disaster, I promise. Put effort into yourself and focus on you. Your time will come. Your “BOAZ” will come and he will be more than you could ever expect. Being single is a blessing, not a curse. That’s something that I had to remind myself of. This is the era in my life where I can be selfish, because I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. Granted, if this person does come sooner than I expect, I will allow God to do his will. In the meantime, settle for who? Wallow in self pity for what? That’s beneath me and it’s beneath you sis! Bye for now!
You good, you popping sis!